Chaman got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual was about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees.

He went downstairs – the clock had stopped at 3 o’clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes – that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The horse finished 3rd.

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter eager to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through ! Let me through ! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

A Marine walks in the restroom and sees a Sailor standing at the urinal, fussing with the thirteen buttons on his pants.
The Marine says, "It must be a pain in the ass to have to mess with all those buttons every time you have to pee."
The sailor replies, "Yes it is! If I were a Marine, all I d have to do is take off my hat."

I ALWAYS wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
HAVE you ever noticed ? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
YOU have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don t know where she is.

THE reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
ANY time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
THE statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it s you.
NOW they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you`ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

I ASK people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
A LADY came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I did’t know there were any witnesses. Now I will have to kill you too.

"Doctor Doctor, I can’t stop behaving like a dog."
"How long have you been doing this way?"
"Since I was a puppy dog!"